Divorce can be difficult and expensive. That’s especially true when you have children who aren’t yet grown, and you and your spouse disagree about child custody and child support.
In 2019, we surveyed our readers across the country who had recently been through a divorce. Here’s what we learned about how much a typical divorce involving children costs and how long the process takes.
The Cost of Divorce With Disputes Over Children
Our 2019 survey confirmed that divorces involving children cost substantially more on average than divorces without minor children.
Of our readers who divorced with child-related disputes, 79% chose to hire a divorce lawyer. Those readers paid an average of $15,500 in total costs—including $13,500 for their divorce attorneys' fees. (Divorces without children cost an average total of $10,100.) But that’s the overall average. A few outlier cases with very high fees can skew the average high.
When we looked more closely at our survey results, we saw that the median amount (meaning the midpoint at which half paid less and half paid more) was $9,300 for our readers with child-related disputes. Nearly a third of readers paid $5,000 or less, and only 7% paid more than $40,000.
Factors Affecting Divorce Costs
In your divorce case, actual costs will depend on many factors, including:
- whether you hire a full-scope attorney (who will handle your entire divorce case from start to finish) or a consulting attorney to help you with a clearly defined part of your case, such as drafting or reviewing a divorce settlement
- your lawyer’s hourly fees
- the nature and number of other disputes you have with your spouse
- how quickly you and your spouse can reach an agreement about those disputes, and
- whether you ultimately have to go to trial to resolve your divorce disputes.
Hourly Rates for Divorce Lawyers
Many parents hire a lawyer to guide them through the divorce process. If you work with a lawyer, your lawyer’s bill will be your biggest divorce expense. The total amount of your bill will depend on your lawyer’s hourly rate and the number of hours the lawyer spends on your case. Many factors affect a lawyer’s hourly rate, including the lawyer's geographic location, level of expertise, and business costs.
According to Clio, a legal technology company, the national average hourly rate for family law attorneys in 2023 was $312. Average hourly rates for lawyers practicing family law are higher than average in high-population states like New York ($397) and California ($384) and lower than average in smaller states like New Mexico ($293) and Maine ($254).
As tempting as it is to hire the lawyer with the lowest hourly rate, remember cheaper isn’t necessarily better. A more experienced lawyer who specializes in family law might charge a higher hourly rate but require fewer hours overall to resolve your divorce. Before you hire a lawyer, learn more about how lawyers get paid and ask for a full explanation of the lawyer’s fees and billing practices.
How Do Custody and Child-Support Disputes Affect the Cost and Length of Divorce?
Child custody and visitation rights, including who gets the kids for holidays, are some of the most difficult issues for divorcing couples to resolve. This is especially true when one spouse refuses to negotiate or wants to move away with the children. In addition to taking more of an attorney’s time, a custody battle may require other costs, including:
- a child custody evaluation
- a psychological evaluation (if one parent claims the other is unfit)
- child custody mediation costs, or
- hiring a separate attorney for an older child who has expressed a preference for living with one parent.
Disputes over child support are often intertwined with custody disputes. Even though states have formulas for calculating the amount of child support, couples can still fight over the factors that go into those formulas, like how much income a spouse has. They may also disagree about who will pay for “add-ons” like day care, private school tuition, and summer camps. Hammering out these issues could require formal "discovery" (including requests to produce documents, written questions, and depositions)—and with it, higher attorneys’ fees.
When you and your spouse disagree about important issues like child support and custody of your kids, your divorce is likely to take longer as well as cost more than it would without those disputes. Our 2019 survey showed that divorces with at least one child-related dispute took an average of 15 months, from filing the petition to the final agreement or court order.
In comparison, divorces without minor children (or child-related disputes) took 11 months. Finally, readers with no contested divorce issues had the lowest average costs ($4,100) and finished the process in the least amount of time (eight months on average).
How Does Going to Trial Affect the Cost and Duration of Divorce With Children?
Most of the readers in our 2019 survey managed to reach a settlement on child support and custody issues. Still, a significant number ended up in court. Just over 4 in 10 (43%) went to trial on at least one of those issues, while fewer than 3 in 10 (28%) had a trial on both issues.
Readers who went to trial spent an average of $17,000 in total costs (including attorneys’ fees) when they had a trial on either custody or child support, while the same costs jumped to $25,400 if they went to trial on both issues. Readers spent significantly less when they settled their child-related issues out of court—an average of $10,500.
Going to trial on child-related issues not only cost more but also took longer to complete the divorce. Readers who were able to settle their child-related issues without a trial were usually done in a little over a year (13 months on average). It took an average of 16 months if they went to trial on child support or custody, or 19 months if they had a trial on both issues.
How Do Other Disputes Affect the Cost and Duration of Divorce With Children?
Of course, disputes over child support and custody don’t occur in a vacuum. Couples who are dealing with child-related issues also frequently disagree about whether one spouse should pay alimony (and if so, how much) and how they should divide their property and debts. Once those other disputes are piled on, a divorce can cost even more and take even longer.
When Alimony Disputes Are Added to Child-Related Disputes
More than half (56%) of readers with child-related divorce issues in our 2019 survey also had disputes about alimony (also called "spousal support"). As with child support and custody issues, alimony disagreements almost always take more of a lawyer’s time and may require hiring financial experts and vocational analysts.
When alimony disputes were combined with child-related issues, average total costs in our survey were $17,850 overall, or nearly $25,000 if they went to trial on at least one issue. Overall, these cases took an average of 17 months to complete—or 21 months if there was a trial on one or more of the disputes.
When Couples With Child-Related Disputes Disagree About Property and Debts
More than two-thirds (69%) of readers with child-related disputes in our survey also disagreed with their spouses about how to divide their property and debts. Whether couples are arguing about dividing retirement accounts or what happens to the family home after the divorce (an especially sticky issue when there are still children living at home), these disputes can be expensive, requiring many hours of the attorneys’ time as well as costs for experts like real estate appraisers and accountants.
In our 2019 survey, readers with property disputes as well as child-related issues spent an average of $17,900, including attorneys’ fees. Those average costs were only $12,500 if they settled all of their disputes, but jumped to $24,900 when they went to trial on at least one issue. Similarly, the average time it took to complete their divorce climbed from 13 months for readers who settled all of their disputes to 20 months for readers who went to trial on at least one issue.
Child-Related Disputes Plus Alimony and Property Issues
Not surprisingly, our 2019 survey showed that divorces cost even more and take even longer when they involve disputes over all three of these areas: children, alimony, and property. On average, our readers disagreeing on all three of these issues spent $18,700 (including attorneys’ fees) and took 18 months to complete their divorces. Here again, those overall averages were lower for readers who settled all of their disputes and higher for those who went to trial.
How Do Child-Related Disputes Affect the Divorce Experience?
We also asked readers about their divorce experience. Their answers showed that disputes over child support and custody can make the process more difficult and unsatisfying than is true for divorce without children. The vast majority (85%) of readers with child-related issues described the process of resolving those issues as difficult or contentious, and only 29% said they were satisfied with the outcome of their divorce cases.
As these results should make clear, if you’re facing a divorce that involves minor kids, it’s especially important to find a good family law attorney who can explain your rights and responsibilities, advocate on your behalf, and help you resolve custody and child support issues in your children’s best interests.
Can I Represent Myself in a Divorce Involving Children?
You don’t have to hire a lawyer to represent you in a divorce with or without children. But representing yourself in a dispute over child custody and support has some serious challenges. Divorce lawyers tend to have extensive training on state-specific custody laws and experience with how local judges apply those laws. If your spouse has a lawyer, you’ll be at a big disadvantage if you don’t hire a lawyer too.
DIY Divorce
If you don’t want (or can’t afford) to hire a lawyer, you can represent yourself. You’ll have to:
- follow state and local divorce laws and rules
- find and complete all of the necessary divorce forms
- serve your spouse with forms
- go to court depending on the laws in your state, and
- get a final divorce decree.
You can usually find court-approved divorce forms on your state court’s website. Many states also have self-help tools to guide you through the paperwork. A DIY divorce is much cheaper than hiring a lawyer but it isn’t free—you’ll still have to invest your time and energy and, at a minimum, pay filing fees.
Online Divorce Services
If you and your spouse agree on all of the important issues in your divorce, you might be able to use an online divorce service. Instead of having to find and fill out all of the divorce forms that apply to your situation, an online divorce service will have you answer questions about your situation and then generate the proper, completed forms needed for an uncontested divorce in your state. Some of the more expensive services will file the forms for you. Others provide you with filing instructions and guarantee that your state court will accept the completed forms. The cost of online services varies, but it's typically in the $150 to $750 range.
More Information and Resources on Divorces With Children
Divorce can be expensive, time-consuming, and emotionally draining—all the more so if your situation involves significant conflict. If it does, hiring a divorce lawyer could be your best route.
But not everyone needs a lawyer for their divorce. Other options include handling it yourself, using an online service, and going to mediation (with or without a lawyer). For help choosing your path, you can check out DivorceNet’s quiz.
Learn more about the next steps in the divorce process: