You may have seen it coming for a while, or you may be surprised when your spouse files for divorce. Getting served with divorce papers can be overwhelming and may evoke a range of emotions, from shock to sadness. Moreover, it can be embarrassing if you were served with divorce papers at work, in front of coworkers, or at home, among friends or family.
As distraught as you may feel, it’s important to stay calm and read the paperwork carefully. You may not understand everything in the divorce petition, but there are a few key issues to focus on when deciding how to proceed. If you still have questions after reading this article, contact a local family law attorney for advice.
What Is Your Deadline to Respond?
At this early stage in the process, the most important item in the divorce complaint will be your deadline to respond. The paperwork will explain how many days you have to prepare a response, or “answer.” Usually you will have just a few weeks. Remember to put the deadline on your calendar. If you forget to file an answer on time, your spouse may get everything requested in the complaint, such as alimony, custody, and certain items of property.
Initially, you’ll want to take a couple of days to review the divorce paperwork and then decide how you want to respond. Avoid contacting your spouse because it might stir up more issues than it will solve. At this point, you may want to seriously consider hiring, or at least consulting with, a divorce attorney. Be sure to give yourself and your attorney enough time to prepare an answer to the complaint.
Finding a Competent Attorney
Attorneys come in many shapes and sizes, and some are better suited to handling your case than others. You should look for an attorney with family law experience.
It may take a few calls and meetings to find the right lawyer. (For more information, read our article on what to look for in a divorce lawyer.) At the initial divorce consultation, an attorney will answer your questions and give a basic overview of the divorce process. Be prepared to pay for these meetings, because most attorneys charge a fee for an initial consultation. (Some attorneys charge a flat fee of around $250 to $300, while others simply charge you their hourly rate.)
Can I Afford a Divorce Attorney?
You are the best judge of your own finances and whether you can afford a divorce attorney. Different lawyers have different hourly rates, often based on experience. Obviously, you’ll want to hire the best attorney out there, but there are some practical ways to hire legal help without breaking the bank.
Some attorneys offer a fixed-fee arrangement, where the attorney will handle your case for a certain amount of money. These arrangements can save money in certain circumstances. Other attorneys may be willing to help out on an as-needed basis, charging an hourly rate for limited projects or only when you reach out with questions. For example, you may be able to hire an attorney to appear with you at a court hearing or mediation only. Or, you may hire an attorney to handle one aspect of your case, such as custody, from start to finish, while you and your spouse work out property and debt division issues. (Read more about consulting divorce attorneys here.)
In most states, courts are required to at least attempt to even the legal playing field and acknowledge that both spouses should have access to some sort of legal representation, where possible. Given this basic premise, courts may order a higher-earning spouse to pay for or contribute to the other spouse's attorney's fees. If you have little to no income, but your soon-to-be ex is employed and earning, you may be able to ask for a contribution to your legal fees. This will depend entirely on the laws of your state and the financial circumstances in your divorce. Be sure to ask about this at your first attorney consultation (and read more about getting your spouse to pay for attorney's fees).
The decision to hire an attorney is completely up to you. However, it’s wise to hire a lawyer if your spouse has one, if your spouse is vindictive, or if you have children or major assets to divide. A do-it-yourself divorce to save a few bucks could prove more costly in the end.
Bottom Line
It’s important to stay calm if you're served with divorce papers. You may be shocked or devastated that a divorce is happening, but there are plenty of resources to help you through the process. Seek out support and legal counsel. An experienced attorney can help you navigate through a divorce and ease some of the stress along the way.