What should you do if you learn—or just suspect—that other kids are picking on your child, either at school or on social media? First of all, it’s important to recognize that bullying can have serious, long-term effects on your child, from skipping school and dropping grades to anxiety and depression. To avoid risking these consequences, experts recommend that you don’t ignore the problem or hope that the children will work it out among themselves. The faster you act, the better your chances of turning the situation around.
What Is Bullying?
In general, bullying is any unwanted physical, verbal or other aggressive behavior by a student (or a group of students) that’s directed at another child. The behavior either has already been repeated or has the potential to happen again. Typically, bullies have more power than their victims, because they're bigger, older, or even more popular.
Bullying can take many forms, including:
- cyberbullying or sexual harassment (more on those below)
- teasing or name-calling
- shoving, hitting, tripping, hair-pulling, or any other kind of physical assault
- threatening
- hazing—forcing another student to do something humiliating or dangerous, often as part of initiation into a club or sports team
- damaging or stealing belongings
- demanding money, and
- spreading rumors about someone or telling other students not to be friends with them.
Most schools have policies that define bullying, but they can differ in specifics, depending on local school policies.
What Do Schools Have to Do About Bullying?
State antibullying laws generally require schools to take specific steps in response to bullying, including disciplinary proceedings for the bullies that could lead to suspension or even expulsion from school.
What About Cyberbullying?
These days, more and more bullying happens through texting or on social networking sites like Twitter or Instagram. Because kids spend so much of their social lives online—and because tweets or other postings can spread so far and so quickly—it can be especially devastating when they become victims of cyberbullying. Like in-person bullying, cyberbullying can take many forms, including spreading nasty rumors, creating fake profiles, or tweeting mean or sexual comments about another student, or posting embarrassing photos or videos of a fellow student. When those images are sexually explicit, the cyberbullies could face serious legal consequences (see below).
When Is Bullying a Crime?
Bullying may be a crime if the behavior qualifies under state law as assault, battery, criminal harassment, stalking, or even child pornography (if the bully posted or shared nude or sexually explicit images of the victim). Many states have specific laws that make it a crime to use any electronic form of communication (including a phone) to stalk or harass someone—especially if the bully targets the victim because of gender or sexual orientation.
When bullies target their victims because of their race, national origin, religion, gender, or disability, the behavior may be illegal discrimination under federal law.
Keep in mind that when someone younger than 18 is accused of breaking a criminal law, the result in most cases isn’t a “criminal charge.” Instead, the minor ends up in the juvenile justice system. The juvenile judge may find that the minor violated the law and should remain under continued supervision by the court and county agencies. A finding of “juvenile delinquency” is not the same as a criminal conviction, though it does have serious consequences.
What Can You Do As a Parent?
Anti-bullying organizations and government agencies recommend a number of steps that parents can take:
- First, try to get the story. Have your child tell you what happened in detail (and record it); older kids can write the description themselves. Pull together any evidence that’s available. For instance, save and print screenshots of social media postings and text messages. If your child was physically hurt, take pictures and get the names of any witnesses.
- Make a written report of the bullying to your child’s teachers and school principal, and give them the evidence you’ve gathered.
- If your first report doesn't bring results within a couple of days, write another letter to the principal and school district superintendent, outlining the facts and requesting an immediate response to the problem. Most states require schools to have antibullying policies that include procedures for reporting and investigating bullying, as well as measure to stop it and protect the victim.
- If the same bully has been targeting other students as well as your child, encourage their parents to speak up to school officials. School representatives are more likely to respond immediately if they see the problem as widespread.
What About the Police?
Call the police right away if your child has been physically assaulted in any way. The police might also get involved if the bullying qualifies as criminal harassment or cyberbullying. They’ll investigate, and the bully might end up in juvenile court. The police should also be able to tell you about any other options for keeping the bully away from your child.
When Should You Talk to a Lawyer?
You should talk to an attorney if your child has been accused of bullying—especially if it entails behavior that could be criminally charged. Depending on your state, this could include not only physical or sexual assaults, but also cyberbullying and any bullying that targets the victim based on gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, or disability. Some cyberbullying—like posting a nude picture of someone or making comments with sexual overtones—could be charged as a serious crime (engaging in pornography).
If your child has been the victim of bullying, you might want to ask an attorney to write to school officials about the situation; this could be a good way to let them know how serious you are. Also, a lawyer could give you information about the possibility of filing a civil case against the bully for any harm any that was caused, or of suing the school district.
Lawyers with extensive juvenile court experience should be well-suited to evaluate a situation involving bullying. Many criminal defense attorneys specialize in juvenile criminal matters as well.