If you're being abused, threatened, harassed, or stalked, a restraining or protection order can legally require the abuser to stay away from you. Here's what you need to know about the types of orders available and how to get one.
What Type of Restraining Order Do You Need?
The right type of restraining order depends on your situation and your state's laws. Here are the most common types.
Domestic Violence Protection Order
Domestic violence protection orders are available in situations involving violence or abuse by or against current or former spouses, intimate partners, dating partners, family members, or household members. The order can require the abuser to stop contacting or harming you and your children.
Each state’s laws define who qualifies. Some relationships almost always qualify, such as current and former spouses or parent and child. Other relationships will depend on how the state law is written. Some states, for example, might not include step-relations as family members or might not include non-related roommates as household members. If your relationship doesn’t qualify, you might qualify for a different type of order.
Harassment or Stalking Restraining Order
Most states allow you to apply for a restraining order to stop another person from harassing, stalking, or harming you—even if you have no intimate or family relationship with that person. You'll need to show proof of harassment, stalking, or harm. For example, you might seek this type of order against a neighbor, individual, or co-worker who’s repeatedly sending threatening notes or stalking you.
Sexual Violence or Dating Violence Protection Orders
A state might have separate protection orders for abusive dating relationships or for survivors of sexual violence. Check your state's laws to see if these specific orders exist or whether you'd fall under a broader category of domestic violence or harassment category.
Emergency Risk Protection Orders
Sometimes called a "red flag" law, an emergency risk protection order (ERPO) allows family members, law enforcement, or prosecutors to ask the court to require a person who poses a risk of gun violence to surrender their firearms.
Note that an ERPO doesn't prohibit the person from contacting or harming you. If you're afraid of a family member with a firearm, look into a domestic violence protection order, which can both prohibit contact and require the surrender of firearms.
Do You Need an Attorney to Get a Restraining Order?
In most cases, you can get a restraining order on your own. Because the court system can be complicated, many people turn to local agencies or nonprofits for help. Search online for "how to get a restraining order in [your city or state]" to see if such an organization exists near you.
Your local court's website may also have instructions, forms, and examples. For instance, the California courts website provides detailed, step-by-step filing instructions.
Keep in mind that your state may use different terminology. "Protective order," "order of protection," and "family violence prevention order" are all common alternatives to "restraining order."
How to Get a Restraining Order: Step by Step
The process for obtaining a restraining order varies from state to state, but the same general steps apply everywhere.
Step 1: Find Out If You Qualify
Confirm that you're eligible for the type of order you're seeking. You'll need to show that you're facing the type of harm the order covers (abuse, harassment, stalking, or violence) and that your relationship with the other party qualifies. You also need to file in the right court—typically in the county where you live, where the other party lives, or where the harm occurred.
Step 2: Complete and File the Petition
Get the forms at your local courthouse, online, or through a victim advocacy organization or legal aid.
Emergency order. In a domestic abuse situation, you'll typically start by requesting a temporary or ex parte order—one that can be granted immediately, sometimes without notifying the abuser. These orders generally last one to two weeks and require a follow-up hearing.
Filling out the forms. Describe the abusive or harassing behavior in as much detail as possible. You'll be identified as the petitioner, plaintiff, or applicant. The abuser will be the respondent or defendant.
Filing. Many courts allow electronic filing, while some require in-person filing. Check your court's website or ask the clerk if it's unclear. If you're requesting an emergency order, a judge will review your petition and decide whether you've met the criteria.
Cost. Filing is often free in domestic violence and sexual assault cases. If there's a fee and you can't afford it, ask about a fee waiver.
Step 3: Get a Hearing Date and Serve the Respondent
After you file, the court will set a hearing date. You're required to notify the respondent of any emergency order and the hearing by arranging service of process—providing the respondent with the location, date, and time of the hearing. The police or sheriff's department might serve the papers at no cost to you.
Step 4: Attend the Hearing
You'll need to attend the hearing. If you don’t, the judge will dismiss the case and any emergency order will expire. If you can’t attend in person, see if video conferencing is an option.
At the hearing, you'll provide evidence of the abuse or harassment, and substantiate your need for protection. The respondent can also present evidence to contest the allegations. The judge will decide whether to issue the permanent restraining order, usually that same day.
Step 5: Make Copies of the Order
Once a restraining order is granted, make several copies. Keep one with you at all times and leave copies at places the respondent must avoid, such as your workplace and your children's school or daycare. The court typically forwards the order to the local police. Some states maintain a statewide restraining order database so officers can verify orders quickly.
Respondents who violate the order are committing a crime. The consequences are arrest, jail time, and fines.
Who Enforces a Restraining Order?
The police enforce the order, but they won’t know a violation occurred unless someone reports it.
Call the police immediately if the respondent violates the order. Others who witness a violation can report it too. Violations include:
- harming or threatening you
- contacting you (even through a friend)
- showing up at your home, work, or school, or
- disobeying any other term of the order.
The police should document the incident, and if necessary, order the respondent to leave or make an arrest. Many states have laws requiring police to arrest a respondent who is violating the order.
Where to Find Additional Help
Getting a restraining order takes courage, and unfortunately, having one doesn't mean the danger has passed. Your safety and your family's safety are paramount, so it's important to keep your guard up. For more details on what restraining orders can do, check out Restraining Orders and Protection Orders: What They Are and How They Work.
Contact a victim's advocate or nonprofit organization for help with the process or check out Resources for Victims of Crime.