No one gets married with the intention of getting a divorce later. But, nearly 50% of marriages end with at least one spouse filing for divorce. Although one spouse’s affair or abusive behavior can often cause a marriage to fail, that’s not always the case. In fact, many couples decide to call it quits because the parties decide they aren’t compatible anymore. Is that enough of a reason for the court to grant you a divorce?
What Is Incompatibility?
Contrary to popular belief, not every divorce involves fighting and mud-slinging in front of a judge. Every state offers a version of a no-fault divorce, which is typically based on a generic reason like incompatibility or irreconcilable differences. No-fault divorce means that at least one spouse wants to terminate the marriage and there’s no specific reason, like adultery, for the breakdown of the relationship. The fact that a spouse is requesting court intervention to end the marriage is generally enough evidence to demonstrate to the court that your relationship is permanently damaged.
Incompatibility is a subjective term and depending on your marriage; it can mean many things. For example, if you and your spouse were young when you decided to get married, it’s possible that through the years you have grown apart and discovered that your personalities or beliefs are no longer the same. If you’re willing to tell the court that your incompatibility makes it nearly impossible to continue living together as spouses, a judge will typically grant your divorce.
What Is the No-Fault Divorce Process?
The no-fault and fault-based divorce processes begin when at least one spouse files a petition (request) for divorce with the local court. Your application must include the reason for your request—or, grounds, which can be no-fault (incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, separation), or fault-based (adultery by either spouse, a history of cruelty, neglect.) You’ll also need to meet your state’s residency requirement and waiting periods before the judge will grant your petition.
A spouse asking for a no-fault divorce is telling the court that there’s no one to blame for the breakdown of the marriage. Other than the fact that you and your spouse are no longer compatible (and can’t live together), the court isn’t interested in what caused the breakup. Because there’s generally no finger pointing or accusations between the spouses, the no-fault process is usually less contentious than the fault divorce method.
A favorite reason to use the no-fault divorce process is that you can still get a divorce, even if your spouse disagrees. The court doesn’t want any person to stay in a marriage because the other forces it, so if you file for divorce based on your state’s no-fault principles and you meet the other divorce requirements, the judge will grant your divorce even if your spouse wants to stay married.
A fault divorce is more complicated and involved than no-fault because the filing spouse must provide the court with actual evidence of the other’s wrongdoing (and that the misconduct is the reason for the breakup) before the judge will approve your petition for divorce. If you aren’t successful in convincing the judge that it’s your spouse’s fault that your relationship deteriorated, you may need to refile using the state’s no-fault process.
What Issues Does the Divorce Address?
Whether you decide to divorce using incompatibility or your spouse’s marital misconduct as grounds, you’ll still need to figure out how to handle the typical divorce-related issues before the court can grant your divorce. Although the process may seem daunting and frustrating, one of the easiest ways to maintain some control is to work together to resolve the following:
- marital property and debt division
- child custody, visitation, and child support, and
- spousal support.
If you and your spouse can’t agree on all the issues, a judge will decide for you. Many couples find it beneficial to work with a mediator in a controlled environment to create a settlement agreement. Although the judge will try to meet both spouse’s needs, it’s inevitable that at least one spouse won’t be happy if the court creates its judgment of divorce.
Should I Hire an Attorney?
You can file for divorce on your own, or you can hire an experienced family law attorney to represent you. Some couples are successful filing a petition for divorce without any legal assistance, however, unless you’re well-versed in your state divorce laws, use caution because any agreement you sign is permanent. Attorneys can navigate the ever-changing legal world while keeping your best interests at the forefront. Some questions you might want to ask your attorney may include the following:
- Based on my situation, do you recommend using the no-fault or fault divorce process?
- If my spouse doesn’t agree to our proposed property settlement agreement, what steps can we take next?
- How much experience do you have with no-fault divorce in my state?