My ex-wife and I recently divorced, and we have two young children. Through mediation, my ex-wife and I decided that she will be the custodial parent and I will have scheduled parenting time with the children every other weekend, all school breaks, and half of summer vacation. Although we worked together to create a visitation schedule, I feel like my relationship with my children will suffer if I can’t talk to them every day. I didn’t realize how little contact I would have with my children when they are in my ex-wife’s care, so we didn’t address any other communication issues in the court order. I am used to reading them a bedtime story every night and with the new schedule, I can’t. Can I force my ex-wife to let me Skype with the children before they go to bed every night?
It’s no surprise that modern technology has taken over the world. From “text neck” in our children to a constant need to check social media or online gaming discussions, it’s evident that our children spend more time staring at a screen than learning how to swing on the park playground. Although technology comes with a variety of challenges, we’ve also seen the benefits ranging from communication with parents who are in the military overseas, to a weekly phone call with a parent who lives 500 miles away.
While most parents can agree that communication between the child and each parent is healthy, if you and your ex-wife disagree on the type, frequency, and length of contact with the children, you may need to ask the court for help.
What Is Parenting Time?
Parenting time, or visitation, refers to the time parents will spend time with their children. During visitation, the parent in charge is responsible for meeting the child’s daily needs, like homework, hygiene, and meals. The idea of parenting time is to give children access to both parents and to make the interaction and visits as close to pre-separation life as possible.
It sounds like you and your ex-wife created a schedule that works for each of you and the children, but it might be lacking a few details about communication. The best first step in your case is to review your current custody order to see if the court included a provision for electronic communication for you and the children while they are in your ex-wife’s care.
For example, many parenting time orders in Michigan automatically include a provision allowing “reasonable telephone contact” between the children and the noncustodial parent. Obviously, “reasonable” leaves a lot to the imagination and what one of you believes is reasonable may be far from what the other thinks.
If there’s no provision, try talking to your ex-wife and explaining your reasoning. If you still can’t agree, you’ll need to ask the court for help.
Electronic Communication and Parenting Time
In most states, the court believes that it’s in a child’s best interest to have frequent, continuing, and meaningful visitation with both parents. Sometimes, physical visitation isn’t possible (or isn’t frequent or regular enough for the child or parent,), so a handful of states have enacted legislation to give parents the opportunity to communicate with their children via electronic methods, like Skype (video chat), FaceTime, texts, or phone calls. For example, both Illinois and Florida have “virtual visitation” laws that allow a judge to order online or electronic visitation for a noncustodial parent.
If you live in a state where there’s no law on point, the court will evaluate the request for additional communication on a case-by-case basis and will only approve it if it’s in the child’s best interest. If your state doesn’t already have legislation, don’t despair, most judges and courts are in favor of extending visitation rights through electronic means.
Are There Benefits and Drawbacks to Electronic Communication?
Absolutely. However, the list of benefits and drawbacks will vary depending on who you ask. Skype or other methods of video chat provide children and parents with face-to-face contact when it otherwise wouldn’t be available. In your case, Skype would be an excellent way for you to continue your routine of reading a bedtime story to your children while they are in your ex-wife’s care. Other benefits of electronic communication include the opportunity to see a child’s milestones, like first steps, a dance recital, or first lost tooth.
While electronic communication has come a long way over the past few decades, the cost has not remained the same. Rising costs and lower availability may outweigh a parent’s rights to constant communication with a child. For example, for parents who live in a rural community without access to high-speed internet, the court is less inclined to order a custodial parent to pay a premium price for the sole purpose of Skype access for the noncustodial parent.
Skype often comes up when a parent wants to relocate, and parenting time needs to change. It’s not a replacement for physical visitation, but the court may consider Skype as an alternative to weekly parenting time to allow the child continuing contact with the noncustodial parent.
Can I Force my Ex to Cooperate?
One quick look into the world of family law and you’ll understand that in most cases, you can’t force your ex to do anything without a court order. If you’ve expressed your desires to remain in touch with your children and continue the bedtime routine, but she hasn’t accepted, you will need to ask the court to revisit your parenting time agreement.
Before the court hears your request, most states require you to demonstrate that there’s been a change in circumstances since the last order. If the court accepts your reasoning, you’ll then need to prove to a judge that allowing Skype (or other means of communication) during the other parent’s visitation is best of your child.
Courts are usually reluctant to deny such a request. However, your need for additional communication should not interfere with the child’s normal routine, can’t be used to make disparaging remarks about the other parent, and can’t be used to check up on the other parent. Courts are also hesitant to award more contact, especially unmonitored if there’s a history of child or spousal abuse.
Consult with an experienced family law attorney for more information on how your local court handles electronic communication requests and for help deciding how you should proceed.