It’s no secret that today's children are more over scheduled than ever before. Whether it’s theater, organized sports, or academic clubs, most children today have at least one weekly activity to attend during the school year. Even the most organized parents can get overwhelmed trying to keep up with their child’s extracurricular and academic schedules.
Divorced parents often have the most difficulty with scheduling issues, especially if they aren’t co-parenting well. It’s not uncommon for children to have extracurricular activities scheduled during a noncustodial parent’s visitation, which requires both parents to work together to ensure that the child isn’t left standing on the side of the field because they couldn’t agree who would be responsible for transportation.
Court Orders Should Address Extracurricular Activities
If you’re going through a divorce with children, it’s important to make sure that the parenting plan and final judgment address your child’s extracurricular activities. Courts used to defer to the parent regarding after school or community activities, but today, most judges will add a provision about "extracurriculars."
Your court order should include detailed information on how many extracurricular activities the child may participate in, who will be responsible for payment, whether there are scheduling restrictions, and which parent is responsible for transportation to and from the activity.
It’s important that the custodial parent enroll the child in activities that don’t conflict with the noncustodial parent's visitation unless the other parent consents. In most cases, noncustodial parents have limited one-on-one time with their children, so the court often disagrees with custodial parents who schedule activities during the other parent's weekends.
As your children grow, their needs and desires may change. If the custody arrangement is no longer working, either parent can file a motion to modify the custody and visitation order to meet the child's present circumstances and needs.
The Importance of Parental Involvement
It’s no doubt that children from divorced families often have more trouble adjusting and fitting in with their social circles. One way to help your child is to show up to scheduled events, even if it’s not during your scheduled time. Often, having two parents on the sidelines is a confidence booster that will carry over into your child’s schooling and other activities.
How to Deal With Scheduling Issues
The best way to avoid scheduling issues is to communicate with the other parent before you sign the child up to participate. If you're the custodial parent, and your child would like to enroll in an activity, talk with the other parent before you commit. If the noncustodial parent doesn’t agree, don’t involve your child in your disagreement. Instead, consider participating in mediation, where a neutral third-party helps you and your ex work together to resolve your conflict.
If, as the custodial parent, the court order gives you the power to enroll your child in activities, it’s important to be mindful of whether the event will interfere with the other parent’s visitation. If it does, talk about it with the other parent first.
If you’re the noncustodial parent and disagree with the enrollment, you can file a formal request with the court to ask the judge for help deciding how to proceed.
Have a plan in place for scheduling conflicts. Consider enlisting a third-party, who can help you with transportation if neither parent is available or an emergency occurs. You should also provide the coach or instructor with phone numbers for each parent and an emergency contact.
Understand the Consequences
Most coaches or teachers will meet with parents at the beginning of the season to talk about transportation policies. While many parents are diligent about getting their children to and from activities, there are others who drop the ball. Some coaches or teachers may charge you a fee each time you’re late, while others might have a “three-strike policy” that removes the child from the team if you’re late more than three times.
Generally, coaches and/or supervisors are not required to stay with children indefinitely when a parent is late. For example, if a child has not been picked up from practice for over an hour, and the coach can't get in touch with either parent or an emergency contact, the coach may be left with no choice but to call law enforcement.
Be sure that you understand the time commitment and rules before you enroll your child in any activities. If you and your child's other parent communicate and work together, you can prevent the most common scheduling issues.