You and your spouse have decided to split. You’ve hired an experienced divorce lawyer and you’re already moving forward with your divorce. If you’re thinking about picking up the phone to call your spouse, think through why you’re calling and what you’re planning to say.
There can be compelling reasons to contact a spouse during your divorce. However, it’s important not to say something that you’ll later regret. Below are some tips for handling spousal communication during a divorce.
When Should I Communicate Directly With a Divorcing Spouse?
Before calling or texting your soon-to-be ex, ask yourself whether the communication is positive and important. Hateful messages or threats to make the divorce process miserable are counterproductive. Moreover, foul language and threats may later be used against you in court. It’s important to be on your best behavior when contacting your spouse.
However, it’s important to reach out to your spouse immediately if you have an urgent question or need to discuss details for picking up or dropping off a child. Remember to keep the communication brief and cordial. A judge who sees parents that are able to respond civilly to one another will be more likely to award joint custody in your case. Yet, even if you don’t have children, your divorce will run more smoothly if you’re able to maintain open lines of communication with your ex. It’s smart to communicate directly with your spouse on issues like upcoming mortgage payments, insurance coverage, selling furniture, or scheduling visitation.
When Should I Communicate Through an Attorney?
Although open communication lines are good, sometimes it’s advisable for spouses to only communicate through an attorney. Specifically, if there’s been any history of domestic violence, don’t contact your spouse directly. Be aware that if a protective or no contact order is in place, you are prohibited from contacting your spouse at all. The no-contact rule applies whether you’re the victim or the violent spouse. A spouse who violates a no contact order by calling, texting, emailing, approaching or stalking the victim spouse may face jail time. An attorney can communicate on a spouse’s behalf in cases where a protective order is in place.
Attorneys can also help you contact a difficult spouse or their attorney. In a contentious divorce case, it’s helpful to funnel all communications through attorneys to keep things civil. One downside of using a lawyer for all communications is that you may end up paying your lawyer’s hourly rate for simple emails about visitation or questions about debts. So be sure to use your lawyer’s time wisely.
Do I Need To Save or Record Communications With My Spouse?
You won’t need to send your attorney every email or text from your spouse, but you should file away any significant communications. For example, keep copies of letters, emails, or texts that discuss visitation schedules, debt repayment, infidelity, children’s report cards or medical records, tax returns, or offers to settle. Those communications may become useful in your case.
Avoid recording telephone conversations with your spouse. If you haven’t told your spouse that the call is being recorded, it may not be admissible in court. In rare circumstances, your attorney may suggest video recording an interaction. When in doubt, follow your attorney’s advice.