As the saying goes, just like you can’t force a horse to drink, you can’t force your spouse to participate in divorce meetings. However, you can use legal means to strongly encourage your spouse to attend. It will be impossible to get much done at a custody mediation or settlement conference if your spouse fails to show up. If you believe your soon-to-be-ex is avoiding the divorce, it’s time to ask a judge to court to compel your spouse’s appearance at meetings or request a default divorce.
What Kinds of Meetings Will Happen in a Divorce?
A typical divorce is filled with paperwork, meetings, and court appearances. As much as you’d like to not have to face your spouse every few weeks, until you’re divorced, regular meetings will probably be a part of your life.
Specifically, a divorce requires both spouses to attend things like depositions (which are taken as part of the fact-finding process), mediation, temporary custody hearings, temporary support hearings, settlement conferences and trial. More complex marital estates usually require more meetings to resolve property, debt, and/or custody issues. Even couples that are able to settle their divorce without a trial may require a temporary support hearing and a few mediation sessions to resolve their case. When both spouses attend all case conferences, it helps the divorce move forward more efficiently.
How Can I Move Forward With My Divorce If My Spouse Skips Meetings?
It’s incredibly frustrating to be at a standstill in your case because your spouse refuses to participate. However, there are some divorce matters that won’t wait for your flaky spouse. For example, a judge won’t cancel a custody or temporary support hearing just because your spouse couldn’t get out of bed. If an accident or significant illness caused your spouse’s absence once or twice, the judge may reschedule your hearing, settlement conference or deposition. But if it becomes clear that your spouse is just making excuses, your divorce will move forward whether or not your spouse appears.
While it’s impossible to conduct a successful mediation without your spouse present, it’s possible that you’ll get everything you want at a custody hearing if your spouse fails to show. In other words, a judge may overlook your spouse skipping a deposition, but court hearings, settlement conferences, and trial won’t wait for your spouse. Your divorce can move forward as a "default divorce" with or without your spouse. But the person who fails to show at a hearing risks losing everything in the divorce.
Do I Need to Remind My Spouse of Divorce Meetings?
Your spouse’s laziness and irresponsibility may have been a driving factor in your break up, but you may have to help your spouse be responsible for just a while longer, until the divorce is final. What this means is that you’ll need to show the court that you went the extra mile to give your spouse notice of court hearings or mediation reminders.
For example, if you or your attorney set up a mediation, deposition, or any other meeting that your spouse must attend, you’ll need to show the judge that you gave your spouse verbal and proper written notice of the mediation. It also doesn’t hurt to give your spouse a call before the upcoming meeting or court hearing. A judge won’t expect you to “baby” your spouse through the whole divorce. Nevertheless, you’ll have a better chance of getting what you want if you show that you’ve made an effort to notify your absent spouse.
Questions for Your Attorney
- My spouse doesn’t have a car and always asks me for rides. Do I have to bring my spouse to our divorce hearings?
- My spouse always has excuses for missing a meeting. How can I keep my divorce moving forward?
- What happens if my spouse doesn’t show up at trial?